Sta.sh
Prologue
Bitter winds ripped sands across the gritty desert plain, covering the fallen warriors and plaguing the living. It bit into bleeding flesh, stinging the injuries of people conscious enough to care. A wounded man clad in tattered white robes stood in the center, amongst those not yet fallen.
The stench of rotten flesh infested his nostrils; fighters who fell early enough for the scorching sun to hasten their decay. Others fought well into the night. They battled for survival and revenge for their fallen comrades. The sand beneath his bare feet caressed his skin, coloring crimson as blood trailed from many wounds and soaked into it. The upper part of his robes had been shredded and hung past his waist – a large gash tore across his chest and bled profusely.
The lacking garments on his upper body freed his wings. Two wings larger than himself, once a stunning white were now tainted by dirt and blood, the remnants of his battle. His left-wing twitched and hung limp. He stretched the wing and stopped quickly as pain shot through the appendage. Broken bones. The battle he ignited had stolen one of the few things that defined whom he was.
Despite his wounds, the man, appearing no more than twenty-five summers, kept his composure. His sharp features twisted in slight detest and masked the pain he felt. Pressing a hand against his abdomen to slow the blood flow of one of his injuries, he cast a glance around.
The battleground had fallen into silence, though once raged with the fight between both sides – the rebels and the holy. Now bodies littered the ground, wounded and fallen from both parties. Even though the war began with no end in sight, the holy soon received back-up and overpowered the rebels with their sheer numbers. Upon cornering the leader of their opponents, they sealed their success.
"Lucifer." Another man took a step towards the injured one. "How could you betray our Lord?"
Amusement sparked in Lucifer's aquamarine eyes and he flicked his matted blonde hair over his shoulder. "You should be aware of my intentions."
A battle warred within as Lucifer fought to keep up the barrier that slowed the flow of his blood to nearly a halt. The strain took its toll on him and he flinched, expression warping to show both his physical and mental strain.
The other's lips curled into a slight frown while regarding Lucifer, the rest of his posture sharp and impassive. "You have gone down the wrong path, my friend."
Lucifer let out a short, distasteful laugh that echoed through the air and cut the tension like a knife. Abrupt coughs raked his body, halting the laugh and shooting needles of pain through him. Falling to his knees, he pressed one hand to his mouth while the other grasped a handful of sand and clenched it in a fist. Slowly, the tremors raking Lucifer's body passed and he removed the hand from his mouth. He inhaled several deep breaths and shoved the sharp pains they caused to the back of his mind. Lucifer wiped the blood on his robes as he rose to his feet and stumbled, regaining his balance quickly.
"Tell me, Michael," Lucifer spoke in a ragged tone. "You claim I have chosen the wrong path, yet was it not your Lord who commanded you to kill me?" Resolve overpowered his fatigue; he stared at the other man, defiance sparking in his eyes.
His body became weary as his spell weakened; Lucifer felt his powers slip away, ready to vanish and leave him to die. Like a candle fighting to stay lit as its wax runs out, he saw the light of his magic slowly escape his grasp.
Michael narrowed his green eyes and tightened his jaw in annoyance. "Do not compare what He has ordered to what you have done!"
Some of his Lucifer's mental strength returned alongside the slightest smirk. Michael was not an easy person to anger – he never had been. Lucifer proved one of the few gifted with that talent.
"I do not recall being the one to commence our battle. If the sentence for abandoning the Lord is death, then I am guilty. However, does one not have the right to choose? Our Father granted the humans the gift to decide without His assistance; can we not do the same?"
A string pulled back. Soft shuffling and the blanket of tension intensified. No attempt at subtlety made. Behind him, to the right; no more than fifteen yards away.
Aware that he was in no condition to dodge, Lucifer braced himself for the attack, his muscles tense in preparation of the impending strike. The tip of an arrow pierced flesh and dug between Lucifer's shoulder blades. He grunted, collapsing to his knees a second time. An angel, unwilling to let Lucifer carry on his blasphemous attitude; not intent on waiting for Michael to move on.
In his mind, Lucifer saw the light flicker once more before it went out. A small puff of smoke remained that ascended to the sky and abandoned its user. The spell that dulled his pain and stopped the bleeding vanished like the flame and Lucifer gasped. A flood of agony engulfed him. Flames licked across his skin, burned into his open wounds, and seared his very flesh. Out of reflex, his wings spread wide and wrapped around him as a shield. His left wing hung limp, unable to fully embrace him, leaving Michael in his vision.
Lucifer's breaths were irregular and each one sent rushes of intense shocks coursing through his veins. Sharp blades of fiery agony pierced his skin – once, twice, never-ending. Blood resumed its course, traveling over Lucifer's marred flesh and he felt his strength leave him as it did so. He knew his lifeline faded alongside it; he had no power left to heal his wounds. No chance to save himself.
He knew the end would come before accepting the challenge for the final showdown.
"Go ahead," he said, voice steady and calm. "Kill me."
Michael shook his head and the slightest spark of sadness reflected in his eyes. "You will pass without my assistance. At most, your spirit will be gone before the sun reaches the sky."
Behind Michael, Lucifer spotted the golden orb as it crept higher, peeking out above the horizon to grant Earth the gift of light. A bitter beauty for the end. Lucifer chortled and endured coughs in response from his parched throat. Each cough stung his chest from within. The flicker of confusion in Michael's eyes brought the ghost of a smile to Lucifer's face.
"I may be dead soon, but that shan't mean I'm gone."
Lucifer ran a hand through the sand and lifted a handful of the small beads, letting them fall through the space between his fingers. No matter that his life would soon end, Lucifer had taken matters into his own hands and knew that even after his death, his memory and strength would maintain its place in the world. His former kin and now enemies could not prevent his plan from unfolding. Too many Fallen remained loyal to him to let his death be the end.
Physical distress blurred Lucifer's vision. He shut his eyes and reopened them, briefly ridding the blur. Michael's form reappeared in front of him, poor eyesight not intervening.
The wind caused Michael's light brown hair to fly over his shoulders and block part of his gaze. He flicked the long hair back over his shoulder and stared down at Lucifer. Even without his powers able to confirm it, Lucifer knew it pained Michael to see him pass. Though he had abandoned the Lord, he had been an angel and Michael would remember those years even if he wished to forget.
Lucifer lowered his eyes to the ground for a moment's contemplation and then raised his gaze to look Michael directly in the eyes. He was aware his time grew short; the strength of the divine warrior others once praised and respected him for dissipated and for the first time, Lucifer sensed his mortality; he realized what humans felt every day they lived.
Yet for him, physical mortality was a mere inconvenience.
"I will never be gone."
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This is the improved version. I am in the process of editing the novel before sending it off to beta readers. Overall, grammar and sentence structure has been improved, as well as smaller improvements to accompany those. 
'd a while back. Thank you.
Bitter winds ripped sand across the gritty desert plain, covering the fallen warriors and plaguing the living. It bit into bleeding flesh, stinging the injuries of people conscious enough to care. A wounded man clad in tattered white robes stood in the center, amongst those not yet fallen; a large gash tore across his chest. The stench of rotten flesh infested his nostrils; fighters who fell early enough for the scorching sun to hasten their decay. Others fought well into the night. 
Add a comma after "flesh" and before "and".
Although I understand that this is only a prologue and that the main character has not even been revealed yet, I can say that I find the prologue itself to be quite interesting indeed. You introduce a number of different concepts to the final battle between God and Lucifer that make for a very different kind of story than what is described in the Revelation. The battle here is depicted as being identical to a battle between humans, in that the angels on both sides seem to be the only participants (as Christ isn’t even mentioned) and are depicted as quite mortal, Lucifer’s power is depicted as consisting of magic used in spells rather than as God-given abilities and he has come up with a way for evil to continue even after his ultimate defeat. Incidentally, I am curious as to whether Lucifer is understood in this story to continue to exist in Hell after physical death or not; the way I am reading this prologue causes me to think that his death was meant to be his absolute end.
Lucifer’s characterization is strong, especially considering that only so much occurs in the prologue. To the very end he remains the controlled deceiver, the one who favors his fair angelic appearance along with smooth, deliberate words to attempt to manipulate the thoughts and emotions of even one so high and holy as a faithful archangel. Not even his impending demise causes him to love who and what he is and does any less, and he chooses to squeeze out every last drop of pleasure he can in his final moments, seeking to plant a seed of pain in Michael rather than recognize the meaninglessness of his rebellion.
My opinion on Michael’s characterization has changed the more I think about him in this piece. Originally I did not think of him extremely highly because I didn’t find it very difficult to think of ways to respond to Lucifer’s taunts and it seemed odd to me that he could not think of them himself; for example, when Lucifer asked if it were not the Lord who commanded Michael to kill him, Michael could have responded that God was merely repaying him for his own deeds. After considering Michael’s given response further, though, I think it ultimately was fitting as well and that I was simply being too critical originally. In the end I think you have characterized Michael extremely well; he is shown as being completely faithful to God, very self-controlled (even when he became angry with Lucifer, it was wholly appropriate) and is sincerely caring, even to his greatest enemy. Even then there is not a hint of pride or self-righteousness on Michael’s part, so I believe you have depicted him admirably.
As far as the setting goes, I think that the barren desert works perfectly. In my opinion the frequency of references to the sand, wind etc. is just right; it is low enough to create the sense that this is a place of emptiness and desolation, emphasizing the devastation of the preceding battle, yet it is high enough that the reader is able to continue to picture the setting without any difficulty.
Moving on to matters of grammar, punctuation, etc., while I didn’t feel like errors were especially frequent while reading the story, I did still find a number of places that ought to be addressed. Tell me if there are any you don’t understand or particularly disagree with.
The upper part of his robes had been shredded and hung passed his waist – a large gash tore across his chest and bled profusely. – Change “passed” to “past” and change the hyphen to a semicolon.
His left wing twitched and hung limp, and he cringed in pain, knowing full well that multiple bones were broken. – Use a semicolon after “limp” and remove the word “and.” The sentence seems to flow better this way.
The battle he ignited had stolen one of the few things that defined whom he was. – Change “whom” to “who.” I could be wrong about this one, but “whom” really doesn’t sound right to me here.
Despite his wounds, the man, no more than twenty-five years, kept his composure. – Remove the comma after “man” and insert the word “appearing” after it. Add the words “of age” after “years” and remove the comma. I’m assuming you’re only trying to describe Lucifer’s appearance rather than his actual age.
The battleground had fallen into silence, though once raged with the fight between both sides – the rebels and the holy. – Add the words “it had just” after “though” and remove the word “once.” My understanding is that the battle had just taken place, so this would make that clearer.
“Lucifer,” another man stated, taking a step towards the injured one. “How could you betray our Lord?” – Change “stated” to “started.” Regardless of which word you meant to write, “started” would make more sense because simply saying “Lucifer” is not a statement and because Michael was just starting to speak.
The strain took its toll on him and he flinched, expression warping to show both his physical and mental strain. – Add the word “his” before “expression.”
Slowly, the tremors raking Lucifer's body passed and he removed the hand from his mouth, proceeding to take several deep breaths whilst ignoring the anguish that simple task caused him. – Change “whilst” to “while.” Again, I’m not absolutely certain about this, but I really don’t think “whilst” is the correct word here. If there’s a rule you know of that would explain this, let me know.
Wiping the blood that covered his hand onto his robes, Lucifer rose to his feet and stumbled, though regained his balance. “Tell me, Michael,” Lucifer spoke in a ragged tone, yet resolve overcame his fatigue. – Add the words “he quickly” after “though.” Change the comma after “Michael” to an ellipsis. “Tell me, Michael…” serves as its own sentence here.
He sensed the attack before it hit him, but was in no condition to dodge. – Add “it” after “dodge.”
He felt as if sharp blades pieced his skin – once, twice, never ending. – Change “pieced” to “pierced.”
No matter that his life would soon end, Lucifer had taken matters into his own hands and knew that, even after his death, his memory and strength would remain in the world. – Remove the comma after “that.”
He was aware his time grew short; the strength of the divine warrior he once was dissipated and for the first time, Lucifer sensed his mortality and realized what humans felt every day they lived. – Add the word “that” after “aware.” Add a comma after “dissipated” and remove the comma before “Lucifer.”
In closing, this piece seems to work excellently as a prologue based on its own merits, understanding that I have not read on in the story itself. You've written it in an extremely descriptive manner, going into tremendous detail both with the visuals and with everything Lucifer is thinking and experiencing. It is quite controversial in that it does significantly reimagine a biblical narrative (effectively rewriting it entirely if a new evil figure comes after Lucifer is vanquished), but I did find it interesting and imaginative.
The first thing I would bring to your attention is the over emphasizing of the setting. In the first line:
"Bitter winds ripped across the gritty plain, casting grains of sand into the air."
Could read
"The bitter winds ripped grains of sand across the plain."
This is a more concise version of the same sentiment (this is all of course in my opinion, and I cannot stress that enough). I would consider a different verb than ripped perhaps. What you're trying to do with how you have the scene set up currently is create a very specific scene, but you overemphasizing it. Tone it down a little and let the reader paint a picture along with you.
The one thing that did bother me to no end, however, is the constant reference to the angels as "men" or "man". This is the only real problem I have with the story, as they are not men.
Aside from that, there are just syntax errors, and common grammatical mistakes.
For instance:
"The sand beneath his bare feet caressed his skin,(I really like that image of it caressing him) though colored crimson as blood trailed from many wounds and soaked into it."
After though simply read rough without a noun or pronoun to reference to. "though it was colored crimson by the blood soaking into it." (another example of how it can be more concise).
One suggestion I would make is to lose the idea of Lucifer suppressing his pain via some magical property. I'd just let him be in pain, perhaps even feed off of it, to add more to his personality. As it stands it sort of feels "anime"ish, which isn't a bad thing by any means, but it also feels "epic"ish, and its working too hard trying to be both.
Other than that it just needs a little proofreading. I'm excited to see where you can take this, and I think you're talented as a writer. You're just up against hard company, and this kind of story is always going to be compared to epics such as Paradise Lost or possibly even Frank Perreti. Keep up the good work
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