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Literature Text
My soul, torn to pieces,
my thoughts, ripped apart,
my heart, cracked too deep;
it is just the start
Darkness cloaks the man,
shields him from my eyes.
Once -- he was mine.
Blinded, by his hate,
deafened, by his rage,
burdened, by his pain;
so very much the same
Blackness spreads to me,
pulls me to his kiss.
Now -- I am his.
my thoughts, ripped apart,
my heart, cracked too deep;
it is just the start
Darkness cloaks the man,
shields him from my eyes.
Once -- he was mine.
Blinded, by his hate,
deafened, by his rage,
burdened, by his pain;
so very much the same
Blackness spreads to me,
pulls me to his kiss.
Now -- I am his.
Literature
Irrelevant Advice
My great-grandfather used to tell me, "Don't chase after trees because you'll only end up with a paddle in your thumb." I never quite understood his advice until one halloween, I was gardening with my best friend Sally. All of a sudden, we found an underground tunnel! It was dastardly and spooky sounds came from deep within. Sally saw something interesting inside, jumped in, and I never saw her again. Great-granddaddy was right!
Literature
December
December Wine
Decant December wine
The best saved for end
of the year
held in fond anticipation
Traveling slick hills on sleigh rides
of old
Reliving the thrills over
fine age and spirit
A day we hold dear
it is worth far more than gold
I see a star pale and strong
hear glorious wind
made of song --
holy choirs singing
There is sacrament in desire
Wonders of will, of intensity
wild like the sweet breath
of winter
Drink in the joy of being alive
Betty dances
an instant choreography of our conversation.
Her familiar rhythmic motion seems to keep
flow of thought musically cohesive.
We play at soliloquies,
interweave of dialog,
tangential theme
Literature
Challenge
Challenge
They say a place exists for those who are lost. Perhaps it exists, and maybe it really doesn't. But I know I have caught a glimpse of something that could be that place. It hovers just between waking consciousness and sleep, somewhere that isn't touched by everyday life. And at the same time that place is subtly affected by that life.
It is a garden, a walled city, a cradle of life high in the mountain peaks. Four towering sentinels of stone topped with ice that could cut open the sky protect this place. Sunlight and starlight play on the ice, creating a mercurial rainbow. In the center of the hollow basin is a walled cit
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How long has it been since I've written a poem? Over a month? Well, here you go, my friends. 
I am back~
This one seems to be a slightly different style than I normally write, but then again, experimenting is good, right?
Opinions would be greatly appreciated.
© Me
How is the flow? What do you see the theme as?
I am back~
This one seems to be a slightly different style than I normally write, but then again, experimenting is good, right?
Opinions would be greatly appreciated.
© Me
How is the flow? What do you see the theme as?
© 2009 - 2024 Magic-fan
Comments34
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Overall Vision
Originality Technique ImpactThroughout reading I couldn't help feeling that this is a soft and sensual piece, but in a darker more abstract tone. The words seem to delve straight into raw and defining moments, like when you're describing how your body and soul have been changed due to this man. And then it seems you are consumed, enveloped, into his world.
The one instance I couldn't quite grasp here was where you say "Once - he was mine" and then finish off with "Now - I am his". Does that imply that he was an ex and that these past feelings have dissipated with time? Or could I mean that you might have had a crush on him, now the 'cloak', as it were, has been lifted and he sees you. Either way it's pulled off well within the whole rhythym of the piece, so well done on that front.
Overall I have to say I was drawn to it due to the use of commas in the middle of each line during the course of the first and third stanza, which isn't exactly unique but very appropriate to the poem. The only thing I can say to change would be "It is just..." to "It's just" as it would flow better when reading <img src="e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/s…" width="15" height="15" alt="
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